Nighttime Personalities Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Television's top hosts used their evening criticizing former President Donald Trump's recently unveiled visa program, labeled the "Trump card," characterizing it as a obvious cash-for-residency arrangement for the affluent.

Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic holiday jingle about the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... destroys all he touches."

The focus was the new initiative that allows overseas nationals to purchase U.S. residency for a sum of $1 million dollars, or "platinum" version for $5 million. The program's page guarantees approval "faster than ever."

"One thought here to wealthy foreigners: prior to you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the scheme is also intended to "extract cash" from businesses wanting to hire foreign workers, requiring hefty fees. "That is a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your selection – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"The best background check the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants completely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the form, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging approval ratings during financial worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were upset about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a bid to tackle cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting conservative news defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.